The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Everclear isn't food dammit
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
