I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
