we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
