his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
