Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
