Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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