glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
