She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
