I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
