She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Of course I have a pirate flag
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
