Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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