pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
nutella sex= disaster
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
