And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
