mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
