The maid of honor just puked.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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