We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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