Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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