Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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