woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
