I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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