I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
