You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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