Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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