I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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