I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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