I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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