My first STD was from a foam party
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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