I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
