I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
