i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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