"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
