i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
