I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
