dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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