my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
false alarm, still single
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