sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
