apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
