Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
