Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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