i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
