i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
