Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
