So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
