mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
