So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
