Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
