This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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