I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
