why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
