She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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