Non-Jews are for practice
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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